Mr. A has been, and always will be, one of my heroes. He doesn’t read this, unless I tell him he should. So, minus the fact that I plan to send this to him, this is my ode to what makes an amazing dad based on the qualities I see in the father of my own child.
Dad is a word I use specifically. Father, to me, implies a formality. Daddy has a bit of a childish quality. A dad is that combination of eternal youth coupled with adult maturity that makes him both the role model and understanding playmate that makes the perfect male parent. A dad is someone who fulfills an emotional role and a social role. He shows a child how to grow up in a different way than a mother. A good dad not only shows a son how to be a man, but he shows a daughter how to love a man. Sometimes, he shows a son how to love a man and a daughter how to be a man. That is the magic of a dad.
A dad is the man, whether related or not, who understands that being emotionally and physically available to a child gives a greater gift than even a mom can. A mom can provide sustenance. A mom’s bond with a child is amazing. However, a dad is a different beast. Dads are the unrequited love affair of parenting in today’s world. Dads are the men who would rather pretend to drink from a sippy cup or pretend that they ate the piece of toddler slimed pop tart than tell their child, intent on sharing, that no, really, your spit on all of those things is totally gross. They are the men who recognize that their children are people, not accessories to a better career. They are the men who surprise their families by taking unexpected vacation time just to spend a beautiful day at the park.
A lot of people will say that a good dad is the one who gets up in the middle of the night, who helps his wife, who changes the poopy diapers. These are good husbands. These are husbands who respect their wives and understand the difficulty of being a parent. These are the men who, yes, are wonderful in very many ways and, goodness knows, the world needs more of them. However, being a dad means more than realizing that mom needs a break.
Inside of a dad is the same wonder that is inside of his child. A dad who believes in the magic of bubbles or the speed of a swing? He’s the dad that you want around your kid. He is the man who, even when it is outside his comfort zone, is willing to have that tea party or play zombie pirates. He is the man who understands that the only way to perpetuate childhood wonder is to be a child in the moment. He is the man who does not live his own past through his child but lives his child’s present with his child. He is the man who shares his own childhood memories and experiences with his child. However, he sees in those memories a new wonder through the eyes of his child. He is a dad.
Inside of a dad is a willingness to step out of his comfort zone. He is the man who is physically inept but plays tee-ball with his daughter. He is the man who is horrifically tone deaf but sings in public with his son. He is the man who is willing to climb to the top of a slide and yell, at the top of his lungs, “Wheeee!!!!!” while sliding. His child’s comfort becomes greater than his own. His child’s interests become his. He is willing to sit and watch endless hours of television shows just to have a few quiet moments that, someday, he will see when he closes his eyes, sits back, swallows a gulp of beer/wine, and remembers moments long gone. He is the man who wears a googlehead hat just to see the joy on his child’s face, knowing that while his son may not remember the moment, he will. Even if wearing a googlehead hat would be the epitome of embarrassment if anyone actually knew.
Inside of a dad is a steel thread of maturity he never knew he had. A dad is the man who, for the first time, is willing to look at himself and see in others his own strengths and weaknesses. A dad is the man who learns to accept where his child is like him or not like him. A dad is the man who is willing to recognize that the things he loves in his child are those precise qualities he loves in himself. He is also the man who realizes that the things that frustrate him about his child are those personality qualities that are his…less strong points. He is the man who introspectively looks at himself to try to better his child by bettering himself. He is the man who realizes that his child’s stubbornness may come from him or that his child’s fearlessness may be partly his. He learns to love and temper these same qualities in himself in the same way he loves and tempers them in his child.
Inside of a dad is strength. This strength is both emotional and physical. He’s the man who lifts up his daughter to help her reach the top shelf. He’s the man who lifts up his son to show him that it’s ok to cry. He’s the man who comes home in the middle of the day when the baby is screaming or the toddler is sick because he wants to hold his child in his arms and in his heart. He is the man who realizes that being a man isn’t about how many pounds you can hold in your hands but how many people you can hold in your heart.
Inside of a dad is gentleness and sensitivity. A dad is the man who gives “boo boo kisses” when there is no obvious injury and puts “boo boo stickers” on actual wounds. He is the man who, without showing his child, wilts when his daughter doesn’t want to give him a good-bye hug and who gets that soft tone to his voice when he hears his child misses him while he is at work. He is the man who always and often says, “I love you” to his child. He is the man who embraces gentleness and sensitivity – both physically and emotionally. He is the man who understands that being a dad means being more than a man; it means being a better man.
Dads, whether they live with their children or not, are the fabric of childhood. Moms love their children. Motherhood is exalted by society. Dadhood is a different story. Dads are the men who reinforce lessons moms teach and teach lessons that moms reinforce. Dads are men who earn a title, not through sperm donation but through daily action. They are men on the frontlines of the battle that is parenthood, but they are often underestimated and unappreciated.
Mr. A is a dad. He is not a father. He is not a daddy. He is a dad. He is my hero, my lifeline, my soulmate. For him and every other dad this Father’s Day, I ask, “What’s in a dad?”
In a dad is the most amazing person you will ever meet. In a dad is a man. In a dad is the strongest will you will know. In a dad is love. The purest, most amazing love you can ever hope to see.
